the awesome adventures of amynda in the fayz!
by AmandaByron
Summary: All the adults have vanished, and Sam Temple is trying to take over the FAYZ! Amynda Tommi Emerald Bando, a beautiful girl with a mysterious background, is the only person who can stop him!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: hi this ff is mine i wrote it cuz i just started reading the gone series today (its soooooooo gooood!lol) my names amanda byron&im team caine and if yr not then i don't like u! (jk im ok w/teamsam ppl as long as they like caine better) anyways i rlly rlly rlly want reviews but no spamming ok? cuz if u dont like it then u rlly shouldnt b reading it duh :) lol anyways

Chapter 1:

Hi my name is Amynda Tommi Emerald Bando and I live in perdido beach (that's in California) and I go to school there too and I'm in history class right now. I'm tall and statueish with blonde hair tied into four spiky ponytails on my head and pale skin as white as snow and eyes that look purple when I'm happy and yellow when I'm angry (I think it makes me look freaky but a lot of people tell me it's really really sexy so I don't know?)

So the teachers talking about math or something and I'm not paying attention cuz I'm rlly smart and learned all this stuff like 2 years ago. They were goin to put me in advanced classes but there was only one place left and astrid the b***h (A/N: i dont swear but i think amynda would&im trying to keep it realistic k?) took it but only got it cuz she went out w/the guy who puts ppl in those classes. He asked me out first but i said no lets be fair im not gonna play dirty. &look where that got me: in boring math class!

Anyways so im in math class and im sitting in the back of the room cuz I dont want to take the seats in front from the kids who need it. im wearing a short pink dress with fishnets on the arms and legs and a headband around my neck and and a huge necklace my dad gave me before he and my mom died in a car crash when I was 3.

Anyways so the teachers talking and suddenly he disappears in the middle of talking about how to find x and y or something and trying to stare down my dress (like i dont no what hes doin). hes wearing a brown suit with plaid in it and a hat and khaki pants and rlly nice shoes. and all of a sudden hes … gone!

"Woah dude!" someone shouts very loudly on the other side of the room by the windows. Its sam whos really hot but also kind of mean. "hes gone!"

"He is, dude!" someone else shouts loudly. its quinn. "hes … gone!"

"anyways we need to get back to the lesson!" astrid says all prim & stuckup. "this is no excuse!"

"yes it is so!" sam says. "dude! the teachers gone!"

Astrid scrunches up her face like a bunny.

everyone starts freaking out and trying their cellphones (which dont work) but I dont cuz i dont have one cuz theyre kinda shallow? like u can survive w/out one and give the money to poor ppl or something i bought 3 new dresses w/th money I saved &thats a lot!

"what should we do Amynda?" asks caine. he sits beside me and wears a sexy coats Academy uniform. "we might die!"

I set my teeth determined. this will not be easy. "We have nothing to be scared of but fear."

"thats very smart," Caine says wisely. hes very hot w/deep midnight eyes th color of blue flowers and hair w/waves in it.

I nod and leave. I need to find out who did this. even if no one else cares, I will do this. i go out into the hallway with its pink and yellow tiles, blue walls, and bad pictures hung up everywhere and lights in the ceiling. when I step into the hall, i don't believe my eyes!

walking down the hall from door to door is a little boy with blonde hair and a red shirt and overalls. his eyes have no white or black, just all green like a dogs eyes except not black green. He stops at each door, holds his hands out, and screams, "DISAPPEAR!"

And blue bolts of lightnight shoot out of his hands and the teachers screams and the boy laughs and he goes to the next door and he does the same thing a bunch of times until he sees me and asks, "Who are you?"

And I say "anyways im amynda tommi emerald bando and ANYWAYS WTF DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING?"

he stares at me with wise green eyes and suddenly I understand even though he was wordless.

"did you … make the teacher disappear?" I ask nibbling my fingernails.

"yes" he says and laughs. "my name is little pete whats yours?"

"Im Amynda Tommi Emerald Bando," i say, "did you … make the teacher disappear?" I ask nibbling my fingernails.

"yes" he says and laughs.

i go back to the classroom and sit down at my desk. i can't stop thinking about it! who was that boy? why is he making the teachers disappear? _and why did he call himself littlepete?_

"are you ok amynda?" caine asks leaning over close to my face so my heartbeat goes up (why?).

"YUP!" i say with a sexy smile. "im great."

he smiles. "Oyoweedayeemas!"

(A/N: i speak good Chinese (well okay chinese) because i watch a lot of anime and that means something like thats good, or im glad, or something, but i think but i mightve spelled it wrong but anyways Caine is Chinese in this version k?)

"STOP TALKING IN CLASS!" astrid the b***h screams tearing at her hair and caine starts to cry. i hug him and…he kisses me!

A/N okokok so wat do you guys think? this is my first ff im soooooo excited abt it :) im only 12 yrs old but im a rlly good writer for my age or that's wat my teacher said but she was just being nice o ya and it does get more exciting but this is just the setup k? so wat do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: yay i got reviews! ive never read my immortal and i dont know what a parody is, but i hope theyre both good! &what spelling mistakes? i don't think I spelled much wrong, at least not anything important. thx for the feedback though! so heres chapter 2 want advice but dont be mean! :)

Caine and I leave the school. caine is so hot. he has hair w/waves in it, eyes that are round, and skin that look like melted chocolate dipped in berries. anyways the sun reflects sexily off my hair and my nose is tiny and cute and there's a smell around me like being kissed by the moon and I can see all the guys staring at me and fighting over who gets to date me but I ignore all of them cuz focusing just on looks is rlly rlly shallow!

anyways so we walk outside and drake Diana penny and an invisible bug (gettit? cuz he was a bug in the books? lol) are waiting by thedoor in their sexy coats uniforms. Diana is wearing a short skirt, hi-heeled boots, and a blouse thats buttoned rlly low. penny is wearing overalls and a dress (shes a baby in this one and drake is carrying her) and the invisible bug is a cockroach and drake is wearing tightfitting leather paints, and a button-down shirt that's not buttoned!and shoes.

"hey guys!" caine says. "the adults are all gone!"

"i no right?" Diana says. then astrid the b***h walks out of the school and Diana shoots her (its ok cuz Diana has a troubled childhood and astrid is a b***h) and astrid falls to the ground dead and blood spurting out of her like a juicebox when you step on it. "theyre …..gone!"

"hello caine" penny-the-baby says. "who is this gargantuan feminine you have brought with yourself? she is quite joviably favorable."

"yup!" caine says and penny-the-baby nods wisely.

then caine and drake kiss and start having sex and its really hot but kind of not the right time so I say "hey guys the adults are gone we need to do something" and they say sorry and stop.

"what should we do, Amynda?" Caine asks. "im rlly scared!"" and hugs me crying unashamdily.

"we need to stop sam!" I scream with features as dedicated as rlly thin china and hair the color of gold jewelry and blood and a figure like an hour glass and clothes like a goth-punk otaku and eyes that can see straight into your soul. "he can shoot fire outta his palms!"

"rlly? oh no!" Diana says, smacking a ham to her cheek.

"this is garrulous!" penny-the-baby sobs.

The invisible cockroach does a dance of mourning.

"HEAVINS TO F**KING BETSY!" Drake shouts (cuz hes a rebel!)

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!" i say with rainbow eyes and hair like dew on a newly fallen leaf. "what should we do" i shout.

"lets not panic and exult" penny-the-baby says. "drake carry me to my house illmake tiny sand-witches for everyone and we can plan."

i bite into the sand-witch. its tasty w/mayonnaise apples bananas and mustard on bread from france. penny-the-baby is a good cook.

"so" Diana says. "what do we do?"

that's when we hear the noise in the tree. we look up and there is….quinn hiding with binoculars! when he sees us looking at him he drops the binoculars into caines teacup and they land with a soft plip like swimming.

"!" he screams like bunchy. "YOU FOUND ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

drake reaches under his chair and pulls out a whip and whips quinn and its rlly hot and sexy. and quinn falls onto the kitchen table and Diana pulls out a machine gun laughing shoots him (in case you forgot she had a troubled childhood its actually kinda cute seeing her do this like a chipmunk gathering nuts rlly).

"that was too tremulous for comfort," penny-the-baby says wisely. "who can wager how much he heard?"

"good thing we got him in time" Diana says laughing while she puts her guns away. "hahaha." and laughs.

the invisible cockroach does a dance of joy.

I start crying and sobbing I dont want to but I cant help it! my life is just so horrible. nothings fair why is life never friar?

"aw whats wrong?" caine asks doing a panda face.

"do you love me?"

"yup!" he grins sloppily.

"but then why do you need these guys?"

I don't he says and throws them all through the wall and they fall to the ground dead.

"AW CAINE THAT'S SO CUTE!" I SAY AND WE KISS SEXILY!

"you look so beautiful!" he says biting his lip shyly.

"you too" I say chewing on my nails.

"aw!" drake says "that's so cute!"

"I no right?" Diana says.

"they are clearly papyrus-like," penny-the-baby says, then cries for her bottle which drake gets from the microwave and gives to her and she drinks it happily.

the invisible cockroach does a dance of cuteness. my heart is thumping. I have such great friends! life just couldn't get better.

ANYWAYS LITTLE DID WE KNOW WHAT SAME WAS PLANNING!

A/N: SOooooo what do you guys think? i showed it to my English teacher and she said it was the best thing shed ever read! =) =) =) &&&leo my awesome hot boyfriend said it was interesting and unique! so i want ffedback but no spam k? thx!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: kkk so I asked my english tcher what a parody is&she says its something funny? &idont really get it cuz this is scary not funny … ? ill try to make it scarier this time tho!& ill work on capitols! anyways I overslept today &didn't get a chance to write till now so im sorry if youv been waiting a long time!

me caine Diana drake And penny-the-baby knew that we had to do something! only what? we started going to the power plant to think And get ideas. we had to leave soon But first I changed into a skintight black bodysuit that showed off my curves And made me look rlly rlly sexy.

"wow amynda you look rlly rlly hot And sexy And pretty" caine said while the invisible cockroach did a dance of appreshashun. "wow!"

"heavens to f**king betsy hes RIGHT!" drake screamed and started sexily whipping a kid that was walking by and laughing loudly.

"wow!" Diana says blushing. "its truuuuuuuuuu!""""""""""""

but its not theyre just bein nice cuz theyre my friends. im rlly no thtat pretty? like my boobs are too big, im too thin, my legs are too long, And my face is too delicate and pale! And my hair is too shiny. im actually prtty untracted. but ppl still keep askin me out Or telling me I shud be a model. my mom said I should work for playboy cuz im that sexy!

"so caine says "we all hav powers right? like I can move things w/my mind."

"im rlly sexy" Diana said "plus im physic."

the invisible cockroach does a dance of expzishun.

"I can eat millinerzz" penny said then cried till drake handed her a bottle And stuck it down her throat. "thank you loquashush boy"

"no prob" drake said And shook her till she fell asleep. he was also a goth-punk otaku w/red nails a foot long, spiky hair like sasuke (I look like hinata) And the features of a bishoujo! his tight leather pants hugged his every curve with an unribald sexness.

"im a vampire-zombie!" I grin shyly And caine grins back And I nibble my fingers.

"im supersexy" drake says shyly "And im rlly smart And im tough And im a bada*s (A/N to ppl who dont no that doesnt mean he has a bad a*s (actually he has a rlly nice one in this verziin) itmeans hes cool And tough) And i can climb trees like a dog!"

we all smile And for snack I eat cake And ice cream And pizza And pot And a cinnamon roll And KFC w/stringy greasy meat that makes me feel happy And then we talk.

"WE NEED TO KILL MARY TERRICO!" Diana screeches and I smile And say auk And we go over to her house.

shes asleep in her bed with a bunch of little kids around her w/her evil brother in th corner of th room. shes soooooo evil!so Diana pulls out a machine gun and starts shooting her and mary goes WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

And Diana sez "DIE YOU EVIL B***H!" so mary says ok and does.

then drake says "can I whip th little kids?" panting w/his tongue stickin out like an adorabl little puppy :) But evil john says

"NO YOU CANT!" jonn says glaring meanly And he TAKES THE LITTLE KIDS AWAY and Diana trys to shoot him but she misses and she starts screaming

"%*&#%(*$&(*^%$#()*$T!" she says annoydilly.

caine hugs her and says "its ok well get them some other time" and they kiss sexily.

"aw!" I say nd kiss drake even sexilyer. this will be a good day.

but little do we no that JON FERRITINO BROUGHT HIMSELF ND ALL TH LITTLE KIDS OVER TO SAMS SIDE seriously wat kind of evil guy would get KIDS involved in a WAR? i dont no but parrotly its jon. ugh. BT tATS WHY ME AND CAINE AND THE OTHERS ARE GOING TOS TOP THEM!

A/N: so wat do you think is it scarier this time? I rlly rlly dfenstrat th reviews!&im trying to take their advice! THX FOR READING!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: who is mary sue? also reviews!

it's the morning. i wake up very early And brush my shiny blonde hair so it shines. then i put on a short dress w/a turtle collar And short sleeves And plaid tights. i put on bright red lipstick And black eyeshadow And blue eyeliner And yellow mascara.

when i step outside i see drake.

"hey drake" i say waving.

"heavens to f**king betsy!" he screeches flapping his arms up And down. "you look so hot And sexy! mostly i just like guys But now i think im straight!"

"lol kawaii" i say (i no amynda isnt chinese But she picked it up from caine).

"its true wat he says u no" caine sez. "ur rlly rlly hot And sexy!"

the invisible cockroach does a dance of agreement.

"i think ive been kinda b***hy to you lately?" Diana says looking down And crying. "But it was just cuz I was jellus. ILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!"

i shoot her And she drops to th floor dead And then we make out.

"kkkkk we need to defeet sam," Diana sez.

"true" caine sez "But first we need to visit … THE GAPHAJ!"

everyone gasps in unison. the invisible cockroach does a dance of horror.

"HEAVENS TO F**KIN BETSY" drake shreeks sobbing.

"it's a long way to th gaphaj," i sez, "But we haf 2 try!"

we all pile into an airplan And jump into the are And we run over 2 th gaphaj's kave And we all run inside.

th gaphaj sits on a chair in th kitchen sippin a delishus fruity drink!with total good looks he is … A COLLEGE BOY!

"woah!" caine sez. "if i didnt no amynda id say that was th hottest purse id ever seen."

"i no right?" sez Diana. "But amynda is way hotter than this guy."

th gaphaj stands up And looks at us And its rlly rlly scary And rlly rlly sexy.

"are u kidz scarred?" he axe. "Or do u need my help?"

th invisibl cockroach does a dance of terror!

"ill only help you" th gaphaj sez "if … "

"watt?" caine ax. "well do anytin! antin!""""

"if …

"what"

"if"

what"

"if"

"WHAT I CANT TAKE IT ANY LONGER" CAINE SOBS THROWING HIMSELF T THE GAPHAJS FEET"

"if amynda kisses my cheeks" he sez batting his eyebrowns sxily!

"!""""""""""""""""""""""""" can bowels sexily. "ANYTHING BUT THAT I BEG OF YOU!"

"never plzplzplz" he begs me And I start to cry.

"i cud nvr!" I say "i hav a sexy boyfriend in california And I would never cheat on him like that even w/a cute sexy hot college boy like u!""

"BUT I LOVE YOU!" th gaphaj sobz. "PLZPLZPLZPRETTY PLZ!"

"!"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" I sob and we kill him and blow up his kave and eat his remains and incriminate th rest!

but soon we will hav a far more difficult foe: SAM!

A/N: sorry if this chptr was too scary!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: ok so sins skools startin soon im gonna start postin once a wk instead of every day k so i wont be postin til next fri k? also couple things one who the f is mary sue two this isnt a troll fic i dont think trolls hav even come up&even if it was wats wrong w/troll?they were in lotr&thats a good movie.

anyways so its late in the day wen my friend caine Diana drake And penny the babyreach sams hideout. penny starts crying at th pure EVILNESS emidatin from th house's door. sittin on th porch are two guys.

"whose dat?" Diana asks, reachin for her machine gun all cute And exited.

"i think its edlio And ablret," penny the baby says crying until drake givs her a bottl. "shoot them!"

drake pulls out his whip And Diana pulls out her machine gun And they start whippin And shootin But turns out SAM USED HIS MAGICAL POWERS TO PUT UP AN INVIZZIBLSHEILD!

"woah!" caine says sobbin. "thats bad!"

"it is!" i agree. "all th kids in perdo bich are hopin well save them! now wat do we do?"

"hahahaha" edilo titter coverin his hand w his mouth. "we r safe from u we can b as evul as we want 2~"

"!" caine scream.

penny starts to whale.

the invisible cockroach does a dance of mourning.

Diana shoots a kid on th sidwak in fur station.

"HEAVENS TO F**KIN BETSY" drake screams real loud cuz hes a rebl.

then edilo And Albrt look at each/o And start makin lashy flrty eys.

"u no edilo ur rlly cut" edilo sez blushin. "iv always thot so!"

"rlly?" ablert asks lowring his dark eys flirtily. "i ... i alays thot so 2~"

"aww!" edilo sez. "will u be my bofrend?"

"YUP" ablert grins widely And they make out. its rlly cute … UNTIL I CUT THRU TH BARRIER AND KILL THEM W/MY SAMRY SWORD!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"""""""""""""""""""""""" ablert sez. "that was mean!"

then drake wips em And dina soots em And caine sez "what wood we do w/out u? ur th best sordman in th TOWN!"

And i say "it wuz dffcult i had to dress as a boy to get th trainin but i did it …for PERDO BICH!"

A/N: ok so duz it seem less funny And more scary now? cuz im tryin 2 mak it scarer k?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: kk soooo ppl rlly need2 stop sayin this stry is funny or sad its SCAROY k? also LEO I CNT BLEEV U BROK UP WIT ME I HAT U! srsly y wd he GAAAA

soo anyaws: Diana caine me And penn went 2 th magga bk stre And srted readin naryto an can sed "woow amynda u lk lik tem-cha"

And i sed:: "GO DIE U StPD IDUTT!" And i SHOT HIM HAHAHA LEO SEEEEEE?

he fell to th groond sexy cots unform flyin arond sexly blowin in th wind wit his pastic coat DEAD.

"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!""""""""""""""""" drake screemz cryin And kissin his cold feces. "I ALWAYZ LUVED UUUUUUU!""""

and they hav sex.

then th windo bangd open And brinna run in eys big And larg And wide. she has on a cott And im wearin a sexy mindress ovr tites And ribbins in mah sexy blondy browni hair wit pink And purpl streeks And perfct eye makup wit pink fadin to puppl fadin to blu lik a BUTTERSFLY!

"DIANA!" she screms afallin to her nees. "IM PREGGANT!"

"WHAT!" DIANA JUMPS T O HER FEET

"AND IT URZ!" she sez calmy. "i tot it wuz cainz but its not its URZ!"

"no wah!" Diana sez. "dass impassbul! we used prutecshun!"

"nothin is impassbl in da fazz!" brinna screches. "birdz av got feets her! prutekun can fall"

"""""" Diana sez. "im not reddy! im alredy preggant wit cainz bebby! dis izint far! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"""

"ya I sez And also we ned 2 stop sam ur in big trubbl lol!"

And we all laf.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: kkkkk soo anwaz y do ppl kep sayin thyr gonna rport meh? THE IZ NOTIN WON W?TIS FF! TH OTER REVEWS SAYY IMA GENUS! AR U A GENUS? I DIDN THIN SOO! SO STTOP TAKIN OUTYR JELSY ON TTHOSEUS AR! OKAY?

so anywazz me diansa penn bu And drak red somroe manag Cuz we ar got punnkotaks. i am waerin a blak domnatrx outif it leath bots And ribbinz in my hiar!i lked betful Or leas THASS WAT DRAK AND DINA TOL MEH!"

we trn on muzic And star dancing. And den …. compjak COMS INN!

"u kild brinna!" he sez. hes ver tal and muscly and hawt. "WHYA?"

"cuz sheh trid to kilus!"dinna sed. "And sh wa preggant!"

A/N: kkkkk sooo I dont no gud chinse, but my frend kagura is chinse And she nos th langage soo she wote tis forme an sez its rlly colAndbadass And mens im gonna kil u cuz ah hat u Or somin liktat.

drak jumpc up And sez  
>"きみはドレークちゃんのご主人とペンギンです。"<p>

A/N: c wasn tha ql?

"HOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAR U! " sez …. compajck! and they bet each udder up..

"aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh i aam in pannnnn and it HURTZ thikx maks wme anigr!" draaaaaazk sasz. "WHYA THA PAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN QWWAAAAAAAAAAA UT HURRRRTZ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

And fcompjack sez "u thin ur in pan i am in muchmuch wsrose panCuz mi pan HURTZ!"

And the hav v sezx ;;;) its soooooo hawt ritther on tth flur its lik ラクダ (A/N: kagra rote tat lol)! and cut.

wen thy r finised thed fit each udr ugan And thiss tim comja LUZEEEEEEEEES!

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" he scremz writin on th flur in anogy! "! wy durak i tot u lov meh!"

"i lov u" drak sez wearin oly an unbutond shit. "heaves 2 f**kin besty I luved u mor tan wurdz can se! but tat iz y" his fac gest serus "i hav to hrut u. it bcuz i luv u mortan wurdz can se"

he pulz ot a gu And cryin unshamilly pulz thtrig 27timz lik bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang bangbangbang thaxs 27 rit? ya so ten jax stil liv sooooooo drak pulz zot a wip And wips him sexly wiglin his eybrowns And winkin And shakin nhisz hipszz lik a godlfsih.

"imm sooo soooorrrrryyyy comja " he criz az hi nbrins thwip don! "idon no watlse to DOOO!"

tas wen kribyy …. FLIZ IN DA WIDOW!

"helo" he sez eqoly flotin in d ska alpik And magestik w/eeyzz if FLAM!

"kbriky" weal fal 2 r NEES "ho may we hepl uh"?

kriby flotz three for minut ten eh spinz rounandroun an sez "GIVE TO BO TO _ ME"

comja scremz

"kirby iz a GENUS (A/N lik me SEE HATREX!) tas prefe!" drak scremz in plezrue. "amynda iz tis ohk?

amynda thns vrey very hard rubbin a finerg on hre goaty. "anytin kriby akses we mutsu gant giv comjak to him drak"

"lol kawai" drak sez And flins th screemin comjock into kreibeez hands an sudly BILUNS AND BILUNS AND DEN _**MILLUNS**_ of kribyz fly intru th WINDOW!

wit poigty fnags lik eqedardz dey tear inta compajakas flhes And bnoes scremin and shotin an sayin "yumyumyum"

"now" kriby sez throwin compoaocks bonz own to th flur for drak to weep ocerv wit passsun and morning and mizry "we wil be yr gards"

"yumyumyum" th kribys chant

"we will ptortect u w/ever u go"

"yumyumyum" th lights dimn. 

"all sha faer uh"

"YUMYUMYUM"

"but we demad humus sacficse evy da lik tat yun boy"

"_YUMYUMYUM"_

"An teybettr be … TASSSY"

"_**YUMYUMYUM"**_

"y tenk u kriby" i sez blushin "lol kaweye. but nways how do we repya uh?"

"iz nutin" kriby sezz "its wat we duh for al gotpuotaks :)"

"_**YUMYUMYUM!"**_

'i norit?"dina sez. " &pls amyndas sooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuute"

"TRUE" kriby screams

And then he sez

"LOL"

….

YUMYUMYUM


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: kkkk soo u guys no y it took me so long 2 ponst another chaptr? cuz i wuz CRYIN. yeah. that's right. u guys hav been so MEAN in ur REVEWS that it made me CRY! ARE U HAPPY NOW? and i even used a SPLELCHEK on this chap so yll all LEAVE ME ALONE about the spellin in a story u apparently dont LIKE so y do u READ IT? DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO U? YEAH ME NETHER! & o ya also? this chap has got a super hot seen in it thats very arisin so arent u SAD it took so LONG to POST? U COUDA BEEN READIN THIS LAST MONDAY IF YD BEEN NICE

so anyways im amynda tommi emerald therése arwen bando and i live in perdido beach california. my parents abandond me when i was little but i was taken in and raised by magicfolk (like argon in lotr lol!) so I hav special powers! lol

so when kirby and his followers hav finished eatin computer jack diana penny the baby drake and me bow down and worship him (cuz were otakus) the invisible cockroach does a dance of warship.

"u no amynda" drake sez "im gay heavens to f**kin betsy i finally sed it!"

"o" I sez

"u don't hate me?" he sez wit kitty cat eyes so kawaii

"lol" i sez "no I don't think so at least"

good" drake sez "cuz every sins meetin u I think im straight heavens to f**kin betsy!"

"wow!" I sez

"u want to … u no … "he lowers his voice to a sexy wisper. "DO IT?"

"woah!" I sez "I dont no im savin my self 4 lov"

"but he does love u" penny sez wizenly suckin on a pacifier "everyone luvs u yr so beautiful"

"I no i sigh "im so beautiful that everyon luvs me the just cant help emselvs so i can tel whose 4reel or not its not fair i wish i was a normal girl like dina!"

"tru" dina says "i look ugly next to u"

no u dont" I lie. were in th middle of th town square wit kids watchin us a bunch of guys tryin to look up my skirt and only Kirby can keep me safe. "yr pretty lol"

"COME ON AMYNDA" drake sez "NO ONE WILL NO"

"ok i gess just don't tell k?" I sez and he nods and grins and jumps up and down.

he puts his hands on my sholder. i put one on his waste and use th other to fix my hair &get spinach out of my teeth. he blushes I plush 2. he kisses me. I kiss him back. I step forward into the kiss. hesteps forward too. he brings his arms titer around my waste lik one of those squeezy snakes. I put th hand u used to fix my hair on his shoulder and pull him five inches closesr to me so we are pressin against each otter.

we brake away from th kiss and blush ten kiss again. he holds my waist more tightly this time. I pat his shoulder and pull him loser to me. he takes off his coat, a button-up black shirt wit pictures of naruto on it.

"I lov narutaru!" I sez he smiles

"I thought u would i lik it too " he sez "well duh yr an otaku blushin.

then he takes off his long, khaki pants with lots of pockets where he keeps whips and guns and stuff folds em and puts them on the ground. then he taks off his shit, which is blue wit wite stripes that kinda zig zag down at the bottom and it zips in th back (penny helps him wit th zipper lol shes so kawhy)

then he takes off his undershirt, witch is plain and grey wit no sleeves but two catchup stains (cuz hes relly cool and rebellus and doesnt care wat ppl think of him he doesnt even shower or brush his teets lol) he takes that of and puts it on th ground on top of his pants. then he untiles his nike cleat shoes and puts them on top of the pile. then his socks which are blue. AND THEN HIS UNDERPANTS!

I am different from him cuz im an independent strong otaku womaaaaaan I take off th shoe on my right foot ( a purpl and blue stripped sandal with lots of buckles that I take a long time to undo carefully takin out each not ) then the sock on my right foot witch is white and purple then the sandal on my left foot which is also purple and blue striped although it is a diff pattern then the other sock which DOESN'T MATCH lol some of drake rebel rubbin off ;) tis one is blue lik th color of a see after a rainstorm (wasn't that a good analogue? lol this is why my English ticher lov me! :)

then I take off my minidress which is red and made of yarn, then my fishnet stockins then my boots then my bra then my UNDERPANTS then my necklace that my parents gave me wen they died.

kawaii amynda that's a pretty necklace where did u get it?" drake asks

"my parents gave it for me cuz they died" I say cryin and he hugs me and pats my shoulder.

"aw yr soooo brave!"

AND THEN WE DO IT!

A/N: soooo wasn't it worth th wait? lol oh and to th flamers THIS IS AVERY FAMOUS AND VERY GOOD FF SO IF U FLAME ME AGAIN I MIHT WAIT **THREE** WEEKS INBETWEEN HOW DO U LIKE DAT? LOTSA PPL WILL HATE U FOR IT LOL CUZ THEY ALL WANT TO READ IT IVE GOTTEN LITRALLY HUNDREDS OF VIEWS SO **COOK IT!** (hahahaha take that!)


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: kkk soo ppl are still sayin this is funny? witch I dont get. but. this chapters happy and cute. so. UU HAPPY?

anyways so i was goin to th manga bokstore to get magabooks and kriby was followin me and we walked pass the daycar and kriby pops inside and eats one of th kids and i give me a foot and i nomnomnom "Kawaii!" (lol learnin more chinese)

affer that, I say to kriby "cheerio" (cuz im britiss) an go thuh prom where evaones dancing and when I come in so does …. SAM!

"nooooo " shots a little grill cowerin in th corner. "save us amyndaaaaaa"

but sam sez "no lol shes not gonna save anyone."

I sez "no lol yes I am"

"no yr not"

"yes I am"

"NO YR NOT I SED YR NOT~~~" sam sez breakin down to cry.

"u think you've got something to cry bout." I screamz, tearin the skin of my cheeks with claws as black as fire. "YOU THINK YVE SEOMTHIN GOT TO CRY ABOUT?" I screamz. "WELL U NO WAT MY LIFE SUCKS!"

tears come to sams eyes rearl tears not face ones like before. "wow amynda i had no ida. if id only none … I never woulda been so evil neva!"

"WELL THEN Y WERE U?" I screech.

"well aw shucks I guess it was to impress u!" sam squeals blushin cutly. "yr so kawaii amynda and such a strong otaku womaaaan ive always had a bit of a schoolboy crush on u."

"lol kawaii " I say but then… I REMEMB ER WHO I AM! I AM A STRONG OTAKU WOMAAAAAN AND I WILL NOT BE WON OVER JST BECUZ U WERE SUEDE BY MY CHARMS STUPID SAM HAHHAHAHA!"

"h-h-huh?" sam sez, shivern like a fat pink baby and hes wearin a diaper and everythin lol its actually kinda sexy but im NOT FALLIN FOR IT! "b-b-but i-i-im i-i-in l-l-LOVE W-W-WITH Y-Y-YOU!"

"YEAH WELL IM NOT BUYIN IT!" I scream. "hahahahahaha IM NOT BUYIN IT!"

"well I don't blame u deary " sam sez clamy. "but i meant evvy word dont' think i didn."

"IM NOT BUYUIN IT! I say again droppin to my knees and tearin at my face wit my claws until the skin hangs off the face in sexaaaah ribbons. "hahahahaha HAHAHAHAHA **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA** **IM NOT BUYIN IIIIIIIIIITTTTTT**"

"wow amynda kawaii" sam sez. "&btw I 3 yr socks so rebel!"

"lol thx" I say, then, "fruity-tooty (my tiny goat about ones foot high at its head and too feet from head to tail wit a big horn thats seven feet longlike a unicorn except CUTER), attack!"

fruity-tooty trots out battin its long-lashed blue eyes as big as diner plates an puckerin its tiny purple mouth trots out to a stimlatin "ka-WAAIIII" from th others as he trots over to sam, gatherin speed from trot to gallop to all-out SUPER FAST BULLET RUN and sticks his horn thru sams left eye then right eye then his mouth then his shoulders then his belly. each time same shrieks and fruity-tooty gigliggles.

blood as red as strawberry sauce spurts from each of th wounds as high as th ciellin spurtin all th kids everwhear wit th sweet stick stuff. kids laugh, raise their hands, spin around, lick their -tooty gigliggles and starts lappin up th sweet stuff wit fruity-tooty's brite purple tongue.

"tell caine" sam sez wit his last breath "I always loved him"

"lol no hes dead" I say"

sam crys himself to death.

"good job fruity-tooty!" I say ruffling its tinny head as it giggles and the kirbys come in to feed fangs shinin in the moonlight.

"oooooh kawaiiiiii!" sez drake. "u saved us all amynda"

"awa I sez. it was nothing."

"it wasn't nothin " one of the kids sez moved to tears. "it was SUMPIN U SAVED US!"

and they were safe f'rever ….at least not unless A CERTAIN OTHER BAD GUY HAZ SOMTHIN TO SAY ABT IT

A/N: Sooo unless I get a pos review, im not gonna write anymore and thatll be the END u want that? so. post a revew lik "this stary so good so scary better then the real books" kk ?


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: kkk im working realy hard on the spelling and grammar. I haven't updated in a while cuz im bein tootered I don't know why but my mommys making me I don't know why u guys don't think I need it right? RIGHT SEE MOMMY THEY SAY I DON'T

So, one day I was walking down the street. The daycare children said, "Hello, Amynda!"

I said, "Hello, children!"

The daycare children said, "You are beautiful, Amynda!"

I said, "Aw, that is just flattery. You are only trying to get into my pantaloons. Silly, perverse daycare children, I see through you as a man wearing glasses sees through his glasses."

The daycare children said, "That is a metaphor, Amynda!"

"No," I said. "That is a simile."

The daycare children said, "It is a very good simile, Amynda."

I said, "Aw, that is just flattery. You are only trying to get into my pantaloons. Silly, perverse daycare children, I am a man wearing glasses and seeing through them, and you are the glasses that the man wearing glasses sees through."

"Now, that really is a metaphor," the daycare children chorused. "Ha ha ha ha."

"Ha ha ha ha," I said appreciatively.

Then, an evil looking boy walked up. His hair was long and lanky and gargantuan, and his skin was pale and light and pastel and soft and whitish and insipid. Behind him was a fat and overweight and plump and stout man in a dark black suit with a dark black tie and a dark black shoes and dark black pants and dark black blouse.

"Hel-_lo_," the evil looking boy says. "_My_ name is Toto. I am a _bad_ guy."

"Hello," Amynda said. "My name is Amynda. I am a good guy."

"Hello," the fat man said quixotically. "My name is Wily Loman. I am a sup-port-ing ant-ag-on-ist."

"Hello," Amynda said. "My name is Amynda. I am a good guy."

"Why isn't that very nice," Toto said puFFILY. "yOU DO REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?"

"DO I EVER!" GASPE

OKAY MY COMPUTER IS ONLY TYPING IN CAPITALS UNTIL I FIX THIS I CAN'T WRITE ANYMORE HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE AND IF IT DID HOW DID YOU FIX IT BECAUSE I MIGHT CRY I THINK MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN AND I NEED TO ASK MY DADDY TO BUY ME ANOTHER ONE WHICH WOULD BE BAD THANKS FOR ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: My computer works, now. Hooray. My English tutor said, this fanfiction is a wonderful opportunity to expand my vocabulary, and stop my bad habits, like not using commas, and capitals, and using too many, exclamation points. So, I will do this. Hooray. And many thanks to Gumi Temple for helping me fix my computer. She is very wise in the ways of technology. In thanks, I will name a character after her.

"So, Amynda," Toto said. "You are a good guy, is this not so?"

"Yes," I say. "This is, so."

"This is bad," Toto said. "This is bad, because I am attracted to you, but I am, a bad guy."

"Oh, my. You are such a perv." I scream Loudly. "I will abominate you."

"Why will you abdominal, me." Toto asks. "That is Enchanting."

"Yes, it is," I say.

"Bwahahaha," Toto says, "But I'm So Evil that I have an Evil Plan."

"Gosh golly gee willickers," says a person passing by on the road whose name is Gumi. "That is evil!

And runs away.

"Bwahahaha. Amynda, you beautiful girl you, I will make you regret being such a charming young person, don't you think I won't."

"But how."

"You must kill either Drake, or Caine by the time the sunsets," Toto says, snorting as gremulous smoke rises from the ground around him, his sexy black cape blowing in the current of air blustery weather. "Or else."

And then disappears.

"Why does life, have to be like this." I say, falling to my needs on the engorged pavement, flaccid tears coming, to my eyes. "If I was ugly like, everyone else, Toto wouldn't be punishing me. If I wasn't so perfect, nobody would hate me."

"It's okay," Fruity-Tooty giggliggles, nuzzling against my toe. "It's not your fault you're perfect."

"Oh, but it is," I say. "I have a face like a sexy charter in a manga show, so very kawaii, the body of a model in the magazine of a play boy, the feet of a river. If only I were normal—"

"But you're not normal," Fruity-Tooty, giggliggles, engorging a passing kid with his horn. "And we love you for that."

"This is true," Caine says, jumping onto a table in a skintight leotard that hugs his every curb. "We love you for being perfect."

"Y-You do?" I sniffle-pump. "You really do?"

"Sometimes, people are perfect,

And that's just the way they are," he sings, stretching his arms out into the violet sky and touching the stars, in a voice as sweet as an infantile.

"Sometimes, you're just perfect,

Without a single scar," Drake accomplishes him, jumping up on an opposing table and v stretching his arms out into the violet sky and touching the stars, in a voice as sweet as an infantile.

"Some people are so perfect,

It makes life really hard," Diana joins in, jumping onto another tabularize.

"And these people who are perfect,

Their souls are never marred," Penny sobs.

"And you, Amynda, are perfect,

And we've known it all along," They sing, in unison.

The invisible bug does a dance spinning and tapping his cane in a hat and background music comes in, all beautiful instruments. Caine, Drake, Diana, and Penny hop off their tables, do cartwheels, and land in the middle.

You are so perfect, Amynda, (It's getting faster now, kinda upbeat)

Some people are jealous of you.

But put yourself in our shoes—

Wouldn't you be jealous of you, too?

But we've come to realize, Amanda,

That it's not your fault you're perfect.

You really deserve your perfection,

And it's not for us to dissect.

The music speeds up even more and they put their arms around each other and do a kickline, their sexy knees flashing sexily.

Oh-woah-woah Amynda she is perfect,

Amynda is perfect, it's true,

But instead of being jealous,

Why not be glad she's hear with you?

I start to cry, tears streaming down my face in playful rivulets. They're right. It's everyone else's fault, not mine. Hooray. I have such honest friends.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: kkk sooo haven't been gettin many reviews witch is making me very obtrusive. so. REBOOOOOOS! nd good ones too tellin me how awesome i am ;)

So, after, Toto and Wily leave, and Caine, Diana, Drake, and Penny have finished their most encouraging advice, I smile and say to Caine and Drake, "Hello."

"Hello, Amynda," they chorus, with hands clasped like chorus girls. "How may we serve you. We love you and want to be yours forever."

I have known Caine and Drake since I was born, as we share a parent, or, in the case of Drake, three. They are my most trusted friends, my aligns, my ボーイズラブファンの女の子 (my chinse friend kagura rote that 5 me cuz shes fluent in the langage of china that means sumpin like "my strong bffs"). They are, in a word, flatulent.

"That is good to know," I say, stroking my goaty. "However, Toto says, I must kill one of you—"

"Okay," they giggle.

"—before sundown."

"What." They scream, slapping their hands to their noses. "That is evil."

"It is." I start to dance jazz with a caine (hahaha gettit caine/cane? XDDDDD). "that is why I believe in a libertarian gerontocracy. It really makes sense. People should be allowed to do as they wish within the bounds of common sense. The existence of government is super flyous. The "government" as the IDIOTS insist on calling it should exist as a guiding force and not as an all-puffy entity that tells everyone "oh, yeah, do as I say" and "oh, yeah, take this puffy" and "oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah." I'm sick of all the "oh, yeah"ing.

See, nobody's perfect. So the state, must be imperfect. I mean, if someone as awesome as me ran it, then, yes, it would be perfect, but people do not always appear perfection. So you are left with, people bowing the the puffy whims of a flawful state. Witch is bad.

But, you see, we should still have a guiding power. Because this would be to advice us and not to enforce laws, it makes sense for those hwo are elderly and wizened to advices us on these things. This is because they have more life

"Hello." Toto said. "Hi. I am evil."

"That is bad." Amynda said. "I am good. This could cause conflict."

(Conflict, according to my tutor-who-I-do-not-need, makes a story good. SEE GERIBALD I PUT IT IN)

"That is good because this rising action will continue until I climax." (SEE GERIBALD I UNDERSTAND THAT TOO. FRAY TAGS PLOTIN. HA.)

"Well then. What do we do now?"

"You will kill Caine. Or Drake. Before sunset."

"Hm." I say. "That is quite actinouranium. But . . . I . . . . . . . won't . . . . . . . . . . do it. I am a good guy, not a bad guy. I. Am. A. Strong. Otaku. Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."

"But, you must," Toto says. "Or. Else."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So, people are giving me less reboos. And that makes me, sad. So, please post me good reboos. Like, maybe five of them/ That's all, just five and I'll be very ahppy! It would be very nice, and it would make me happy.

So, anyways, when I woke up in the morning, I shot a bunch of loggers, ONE WA S MANED KENDRIC GET IT KENDRIC IF YOURE READING THIS I F**CKIN HATE YOU SORRY FOR BERAKING YOUR HEAR! and then ate breakfast with my pet goaticorn Fruity-tooty.

When we were finished, we started dancing and then went to the grocery store and took six large geese, three shovels, and a parsley bag, put them under our arms and walked outta the store. A policeman stopped us and said:

"Hello there you sexy young girl." Batting his eyebrows flirtily. "What do you have there."

"Geese." I say, thinking, _you author tearing pig._ "What do you care about it you son of a bitch."

"Well stealins bad." He makes a sternful face. "And it's bad because the gubernemt sez so."

Hes talkin out the side of his mouth like a stupid face.

"Yeah well I don't like the gubberment." I say. "I do not like it at all."

"Well then I will make you like it."

He pulls out a saw the size of a chicken and grins and winks and I sream no but he says ahhaha yes the gobbment will make you pay for saying such elegant thins."

He saws off my legs and arms and head.

"Is that it." I scream. "Can you not take the truth you bastard."

"That is true." He sobs blubberously falling down on the sidewalk and pounding his fists against the pavement. "That is so true. How did you know?"

I toss my hair the color of melted gummy bears and blueberries. My skin is as smooth as a purple catipillar's sitting on a leaf and exploding into a butter's fly with a boom and a mushroom cloud that makes squirrels cry. That drowns the forest and allows life to begin anew all because of one worm.

"I'm half-elf," I giggle, pointing to my pointy ears and crossing my eyes. "My mom lived in middle earth and worked for santa."

"My liege," the evil man bellows, dropping to one gnu. "How did I not know?"

"Beats me," I say, hopping up and skipping over to the drug store, "but can you die?"

'Kay," he says, and does, blood spurting out of his eyebrowns.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: REBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS also today my tooter taught me that I need to give people distinctive speech patters so I did this time see if you can guess it...

So, anyways. Hi. Hello. こんにちは、ペンギン(lolol Chinese from my Chinese friend Kagura) My name is Amynda and I live in the FAYZ. I'm a libertarian gerantocracist who is so smart and pretty or that's what people say but it's not true I'm kind of so pretty it's intimating? So it makes me ugly. It's like some horrible curse put on me by a Gryffindor.

So, anyways. I'm walking through the fZY when a sexy man walks up and says " Howdy" (they do that in Germany) "I'm a vampire?"

"And I say "cool I'm na elf" and wiggle my pointy ears.

"Wow you're one thexy elf" he says.

"That's really shallow"

"I'm thorry you're right you're tho deep and inthipid," he says tractfully. "What ith your name?"

"Amynda" I say blushin like a ハエジゴク (that's Chinese for schoolgirl cording to Kagura) "You're very hot like robin pattyson playin eddard culen."

"Aw thankth," he says.

"what is youre name? 

"It is ….." he faces the camera, puts on a hat and takes out a cane, and does a tap dance sooooooooooo ….. sexily. "EDDARD CULEN..."

"Woah cool,," I sez. Really I'm getting all excited but I keep my cold. "What about Bella?

He shoots her.

"What bella?"

"Wow," I say with a blush. "You're kawaii."

He smiles, then screams, drops the the floor and writhes in agony and pain. "AAAAAAAGHHHHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE... FAWWWWWWWW AMYNDA I WANT OO THO BAAAAAD..."

I giggligle "Wow I've been planning on waitin till mirage."

He sobs. "... PLLEAAATHE..."

"Well okay kawaii" 

I step towards him. We are standing on the street in the town square. The ground is rough pavement. He looks up at me. We make eye contact. His eyes are like liquid slivers. Mine are deep atheist. He waggles his eyebrowns. I waggle mine. We begin to feel a connection.

He reaches up his hand. I reach down mine. Then I hesitate. I pull back. Then I put my hand out again, tently. Then I pull it back.

"Pleathe Amynda" he says. "Pretty pleathe."

I reach out my hand again. It is shaking. He grasps it. My heartbeat goes up. His does as well. He pulls me to the ground. I say "oof."

"I'm thorry," he blurbles. "Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, no," I say. "Not at all."

"Good," he says. "Thall we protheed?"

"Yes," I say.

He puts his hands on my shoulders. I put mine around his waist. He pulls me closer. I pull him closer as well. He puts his lips against mine. They are not chapped. He puts his tongue in my mouth. It is long and forked, like a frog's tongue. It is slimy, like a rock at the bottom of a pond. It is made of seaweed.

He puts his hands under my shirt. I say, " Should we really be doing this?"

He says. " Yeth."

I say, " Oh, good."

He puts his hands farther under my shirt. He takes it off. Then I take off his shirt. Then he takes off my bra. Then I take off his pants. Then he takes off my pants. Then I take off his underpants. Then he takes off my underpants. Then we have sex. the we take of our shoes and have sex again. This is the way of things.

A/N: .


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: older sisters ruin EVERYTHING!

It was time, Amynda Byron decided. Time to choose. Toto had told her to choose. Kill Caine. Kill Drake. Kill one. Or the other. Or else. She had put off the choice long enough. It was time to decide.

She stepped out of her castle and into the street, under the glow of the flickering torches reflecting shadow patterns on her face that made her look, if possible, even sexier than usual. She fixed the hemline of her gown and trotted out into the dirt road in quietness.

"Ready, Fruity-Tooty?" she asked her adorable goaticorn trotting beside her. It giggliggled and nodded. "This is something we have to do together, right, boy?"

It giggliggled and nodded.

Together, they trotted down the road, a girl and her pet, swaying with the music and humming. They walked up the hill by the light of the moonless, starless sky. This was the FAYZ. Anything could happen.

They were outlined in moonlight atop that hill, a girl and her sweet, gentle pet, skillets in the darkness, all that held back the nitrous, the one hope for the FAYZ. So alone, so good, so pure, in such a cruel world.

"I have never killed before," Amynda whispered to Fruity-Tooty. "I have never even hurt anyone. I do not know if I can do this."

Fruity-Tooty giggliggled. It was a giggle of strengths. For Amanda Byron had made her choice. She knew who she was going to kill.

A/N: REBOOOOOOOS.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: super duper special thankx goes to CallmeRaven, who helped me w/this captor! she is a very good rider, so everyone check out her fanfic first caper is at this link: .net/s/7551841/1/My_Version_of_Fear

also - REBOOS

Amanda stalked the hallways of the the town hall. Looking for him. Caine. Or Drake. The one she was to kill. (A/N: you will need to find to who that is soon that is called a-Spence)\

The back of her mind was screaming for her to stop. Killing was wrong. It should not be done.

Yeah, but Drake dose it. She augured with her common sense.

The logic shut up.

The soon to be killer approched the door. Silently. Swiftly. Evil like. She was holding a gun behind her.

Amanda opened the door. Inside it was—Caine and Drake. Both of them. Did any of you see that coming.

"Which of us will you kill?" They asked, squinting up their faces all cute. "We will do whatever you want, you sweet, sweet, beautiful, perfect girl."

"You are both quite hot and extemporaneous (haha cinnamons!)," Amanda purred, turning into a cat and back again. "I wish I did not have to kill either of you. You are so very, very sexily attractive (that means attractive in a sexily way) But Toto, that evil mastermind, thinks that you should die. I disagree, but he says I must kill you or else."

"Or else?" The two boys scream in union son, clothing their teddy briars and whaling. "NNNNNOOOOOOOOO! Amanda you must kill us you are too perfect to put at risqué. (That is French for risk and Amanda is fluent in French and China as you have all seen lol)"

"I cannot kill you. You guise are family."

"Well then we must die."

"Wood you."

"Let us have sex first."

"Okay."

They do.

"Now let us die."

"Wood you."

"Okay."

They do.

Amanda turned around to see all of perdido beech standing on her behind, laughing.

"Haha." They …. said! "your shirt is inside out."

"You have offended me," Amanda said and whipped out a machine gun and shot them dead laughing AND ONE OF tHEM WAS NAMED KENDRIC HAHAHA TAKE THAT KENDRIC SEEEEEEEEE SERVES YOU RITE FOR NOT LVOING ME she shot them dead.

"Oh, very good," said Toto, followed by his kawaii aslant. He claps slowly as he strolls across th ballroom floor, tapping his parasol on the floor. "Very, very good."

"Haha yes I am the best shot in Perdido beach," I say. "I only trained for one day I was a nature heh I would have studded for years, though, to protect my town."

"You have fallen right into my"—he grins at the camera and the light reflects off his teeth all evil—"TRAP"

"oh my really?" Amanda asked, nibbling on her fignernails. "what do you want?"

"I want you to have sex with me," he lures, waggling his eyebrows like frogs. "I like hot girls it's a fetish of mine."

Amanda frowned at him. "I have decided that I do not like you. You should look deeper than appearances. Do do otter wise is wrong. Do you want to do wrong?"

"No," he mutters, scuttling his shoe on the floor and chewing on his upper lip.

"Good," Amanda drooled. "Now run off wit ye, oyr Oi'll sick me goaticorn on ye."

And Toto trotted happily into the knight.

A/N: REBOOS also read CallmeRavens ff seriousy guise!


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: A massage to all my loyal, devout, puffy fans - I am very sorry for those of you who have been using my amazing fanfic as a guy to learning Chinese. It has been brought to my attention that it is actually Japanese. Additive, my friend Kagura-who for some reason knows Japanese, when I always said she spoke Chinese-has parrot been translating everything wrong, who I depended on to make the Chinese parts. So, puffily, all the "Chinese" parts are Japanese. When I ask her why, she says, "Because you are an idiot who thinks that Japan is China" and so she made a fool out of me online. And I am all, "Well, I thought it was Chinese because, um, you TOLD ME" and she says "no, I told you a hundred times it is JAPANESE" and I say, "Well, I thought you were joking."

So yeah. I am quite upset. But I thought I would warn all of you - the Chinese/Japanese parts ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM. Beware of them, because they are deceived. Just. Like. Kagura. Grrrrrrr I am unhappy. Why would she do this to her fried?

Buy. Anyways. Back to my puffy starry.

Amanda Byron floated on a raft through the puffy thing they call a FAYZ. They were all dead. She had killed them all. Why was everyone so mean to her. It was not fair. It was they're fault for dining. Why could they not have been nicer and, oh, I do not know, stayed alive.

It is not your fault, said a passing cat, licking its turtles and winking at her

I know, Amanda said. "What is your name."

"My name is Joe."

"Hello Joe"

"Hello Amanda"

"Are you lonely."

"Yes."

"Why."

"Because I killed them all."

"Ha. Puffy stupid heads. They should not have dyed on you."

"Maybe not. Still, maybe I should not have killed them."

Tears sprang into Joe's huge eyes the size of dinner plates took up all of her face cept for a triangle of a nose all pink. "Wow, Amanda, you are so selfless and beautiful. But do not blame your own. It was there faults. Do not let yourself blame yourself because it is bad for yourself and yourself is all that matters."

Amanda Brightened and forgot rose puffy idiots. "Yeah you are right."

And then Amanda and Joe and Joe's companions and fruity tooty had sex and it was fun and then they ate dinner at a pasta plate.

"Hello." Said the waiter. "Did you like your dinner."

"Yup Yup" Said Amanda Cheerfully. "Sooooooo tasty."

"Well that is good."

And then the door burst in and Toto and his sidekick walked in and over to the table. It was ….. Toto!

"It is not over," said Toto, "and will not be over until you give into my advanced I am nectarous like that lol."

"No way" said Amanda "I am saving myself for marriage."

"Well then," said Toto, sweeping his cloak over his face like Megamind. "Prepare for heck.

And slid out of the room.


	18. Chapter 18

I was sitting in a restaurant one day when an aardvark walked in. That is an animal, for those of you who do not know, and one that has a prodigy appetite. And it is tall. So, this anteater walks up to me, its blonde hair flowing, and it asks me if I have a hat.

"No," I say, "I do not."

"That is a pity," it says, and walks away. Then it brings everyone I killed back to life.

"Hello, all," I say. "Welcome back."

"We are back, Amanda, we are back." They say, and run to me with open arms. "We love you, Amanda. We do. We do."

"Why thank you."

"We will never be so mean to you again so as to die."

"Why thank you."

Then we ask the aardvark to die because he is ugly and an aardvark so he does not count. Well he does but only up to five. I can speak Latin. He dies.

And then I get adopted by a family of elf-zombies, one of who is Eddard Cullen. We then discover that I am half-elf, half-vampire, a child born of Eddard's father Jacob and the elf Legolas. Turns out that half-elf, half-vampires are always perfect. It is in they're jeans code.

Anyways, me and Eddard get married and half babies that ride aardvarks and poke spoons and eat each other. They are so kawaii.

And then I wake up and it was all a dream. Only it wasn't. But it turns out it was but only the part about spoons. It's really forks.

Then myself splits of into another dimension called Forks, Washington. (If you want to continue that plotline check out my new storybook, The Amazing Adventures of Amanda in the Forks, coming soon!) But part of me stays here in the FAYZ. I go shoot a piglet. But I do not eat it because meat is mean to animals.

Then I buy a boat and Caine Drake Diana and me go to an island and meat Sanjit and Virtue. We have a group date and all have sex. Then we go back to Perdido Beech, which I love, and eat a cheese, tomato, and ham omelet, then hike to a mountain and drink in the soda pop sky.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry it has been so longed. I have been busy with New Years and that was a diff ice cult time of the year for my so beaus I do not like plants. So. Here is y fanfic back. Hope you have not been wait in too badly. I loves you all my devout puffy loyal fans.

Amanda woke up in the morning. She was strapped down to a hospital bed in a dark dank rum that had walls. The whole room smelt lick vomit and poopies. It smells bad.

Her hair was full of waves, dark and beautiful, like a Goth punk otaku. Her body was curly and muscle but not ugly like really beautiful. So beautiful that a bunch of people hit on her. EVEN GIRLS! She is that hot.

What are you din to me. She said.

An evil laugh came from the crane.

"Would you not like to know you sexy sexy grill." an evil voice says.

"Who is There." She says.

"You will never know." He says. Then his sequels lick a pig. "Oh ho ho I cannot tack it any more Amanda You are too sexy to resist.

I waggle my eye browns.

"I am" he steps into the lit "toto."

what dude woah

he giggles

what do you want I says

I want you he says

what I say

and I am gonna eat your goaticorn if you do not due what I want you to

then HE waggles HIS eye browns. dram antic music plays in the back's ground. WHAT WILL AMAND DO?


	20. Chapter 20

Anyways. So. I is tied up in the base meant of Toto's evil house and he is gonna eat my goaticorn if I does not peck at his cheek like a chicken just because I am so beautiful why do I half to be so beauty full it is not friar!

But it is a curse I must dealt with.

I am dressing in a choji akimichi cosplay costume and it is so so very kawai that you would melt like a glutton of butter on a very very hot stove so hot you burns your hands on it like to make bread. Toto thinks its hot.

"I think you look hot." Toto says. He thinks I am hot. "Why not make you hotter."

He turns up the thermostatic to seventy twenty degrees calculus. "Comfy-wumfy now?"

"yes." I say.

"Okay good LOLOL"

"Okay look, Totey," I say, " Why should I be scared of you? You have the name of a little black CAT?"

Toto bursts into a fit of laughter rolling on the floor and giggling hysterical. He shrieks in delight and admiring and crepitating. He vomits blood. "LOL you are so funny, Amanda, and pretty too. Will you peck at my cheek like a chicken?"

I start to cries. "Why does this always happen to me? This has happened like twenty billion thymes before and it is boring. And annoying. If only the government would stop taking away my propriety things would be all butter. It is because I am so beautiful it is a curse."

"Kiss me Amanda," Toto says, batting his eyes with lashes twelve foots long. "cmon please pretty please"

"no" says me cuz I am shaving myself for marriage.

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"no"

and then drake comes up to the door and someone comes in it is… DRAKE!

"HEAVENS TO FUCKING BETSY!" he screeches, snapping his actinic leather duds against his ripply thighs and wiggling his hapless to the wind. "WHAT IS THIS MEANIE DOING TO YOU MY LOVE"

I cry and then we have passionate sexy from across the room it is so passionate that I get a direction and then drake says "leave her alone" and toto says "lol no" and then drake summons the kirbys.

WHAT WILL HAPENN NEXT

A/N Also would you guys read it if I wrote a twilight ff? cuz that's kinda an amazing book series, like, so epic, but I wouldn't write it if no one was gonna read it so REBOOOS


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: sooooo I am busy with very very important skull work but I will make the first chapter of my twilight ff very very soon anyways…..

the Kirby's came in numbers soar in they were fleeing everywhere literally kajillions of them just flying and fly in an circles satin "you leave amynda alone toto you leave amynda alone you leave amynda alone she is fart oo bountiful to dye here.

And then toto says 'never I will have her forever and forever after that she will be mine to devour."

Then we have sex.

Then….

TOOTY FRUITY MY ADORABLE GAOTICORN COMES IN AND SAVES THE DAY

We leave. And everything is okay.

I say "Tooty Fruity you are the cutest, cuddliest goaticorn ever!"

Tooty fruity giggles and impales a passerby on his seven foot long horn.

"Really tooty fruity" I sally as as the passerby gets up and walks away. 'your the best.'

Then we have sex. He is very good at that too. Sly wink.

"This" I say "is why we should all be libertarian gerontocracists."

tooty fruity giggles in agreement.

Then we stop having sex.

Then we buy a book at a bookstore.

Then we go home to find… same temple standing in my kitchen, holdings a knife!

What will amynda do?

A/N: REVIEWS PLEASE!


	22. Chapter 22

a/n: kaykaykaykay soooooooo this is Amanda here ATLAST I know you were all wafting for me in my abase but I am back hahahahaha AT LAST! LAT AST! SO I AM BACK AND WILL RIDE WELL FOR YOU MY PUFFIEST FANS I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WAFFLES

"heya sam" I says. "how ya been maannn" (I am using surfer slang because that is shames frits langrage."

"hey amynda wow you art u ruing surfer slang you art soon cool!' he says big goofy grin. "that is whine I come here cuz urn magical beautiful."

"HEY I YAM NOT AN URN YOU FOOL"

"Well," Same says blush bashful. "Even if you are not. I find you… how do I say this so I don't sound like a couch… I find you attractive… in the way that a heterosexual male… finds a female… preferably a heterosexual one… although either of those may be bi… and yet I have never had a bi son or a bison (GETIT cuz sam doesn't have a son who is gay or a pet dog) but I wouldn't mind planting a garden would you?"

Sam locked at her wit an aspersion confused but as sam time longing. "I have Latin lover" Edilio walked in the cerdo(get it cuz hes Spanish) " Tee quiche, Amynda!) howre dare ye say tht to my bloody lova! Amyda EXPLOITED with pure RAGE and…..INDIGATION!

then she says "HIIIIII" (cuz she worships kriby as a god)

and then Kirby flew through the window and sad "You have called me. I have come."

he spun round and round in circus waving his magic wand and chanting chanting like a greek man does.

"HIIIIII" he says. "HIIIIIIIIII"

then sam and edilo bow wowed in worship for Kirby and for amynda as is the right and just order of stuff.

"we love you amynda" they said. "please marry us"

"NO YOU FREAKING (sorry for the langage but im a rebel) PERVS" I says. "I wood never do sexy stuff with people."

"I wud luv to POP tht balloon! AND, than Edilio commited a hurrid act. He penetrated the balloon w/ su(Spanish) THINGY!GET IT?)

then sam finds this displayed to be quiet simulating and then he says "bow wow ediliio you are so boiling!"

"COCHE!" edilio says, waggling those eye browns of his. "do you want to have"—he waggles those pies (SPANISH) again—"sexual relations with me?"

Certain. Sam says. Certain of course.

sam disrobes and folds his clothes in a neat pile and puts them on a lichen chair, then does a sexy hula dance.

edilio does the same.

then they have sex. they ask me to join, but I say no.

the invisible coakroach does a dance of PURE approval ;)

a/n: wasn't this captor SO HOT? and plus it is promote tolerance toward lesbian men!


	23. Chapter 23

A?N: SOOOOOOO it is march 19! and. EveryOnes. HAPPY ST JEREMYS DAY LETS ALL GO TO SCOTLAND AND SAY HIHI TO HIM !

so. before we begin. I just wanted to say. that people in the previous ccapter? thought that I was "Uniformed" about certain words. So. Let me be clear. I am an expert. Kay? The puffiest of experts. Mmhmm. Because I listen to Modest Mouse. Witch his a ban for humble rats. So listen to them, because I emboss them, and I represent the natural of they're music and lyrics! So listen too them!

Also – REBOOOOOOOS!

So tht B*#$ ASTRID came to my kingdom to give me a notice? I sad know, cuz what? ur astrid BI&*! I love u EDILIO , the luciougs latin lover of spain! KILL this infidel! and so Astrif took out her trustry rusted otter and scrapped a hole in her bitchy stomach that f**** bitch.

So then I floated around the room like a fair waving my magic wand and wiping my hair left and right and up and down and BACK AND FORTH (getit? best song ever!) then landed lightly on a lily pad with an elephant and spun around five times before turning astrid into a giraffe.

she looked so silly. cuze she's a v***ling h***p. just goes to show what a b*ad person she is! lol. I am such a clever witch, right? Just like Hermoine Puckle!

"Hello," said Astrid, doing a dance of diplomacy. "I am a fucking bitch from h*ll!"

Toto says yeah lol that's right.

Then Tooty fruity comes a-prancing in in a wave of cutey pie ness, all brightly colored rainbow waving his little head back and forth like a proud pony at a pony show but only for the proud ones, no shameful horses allowed here, lol, just goaticorns with head shaking skills.

"HII TOOTY FRUITY!" I say, and we have hot passionate love machining right there in front of everyone!

Tooty fruity giggles bashfully (LOL don't you just love shy goaticorns) then gorily impales Astrid on his cute little old horn. Her guts and blood all spurt out onto l=the floor like juice out of a juice box when you step on the box and juice come out. Just blood and her stomach and muscles pouring on out onto the floor. And tooty fruity giggles again and drives the horn in deeper and deeper and astrid screams in ecastasy as he drives the horn in. the blood is so red and dark in the torchlight of the fortress walls as she DIES like the B*TCH she is OH HA HA HA ASTRID SERVES YOU RIGHT

"she shouldn't of insulted you" edilio says, shaking his head all fruitful. "You being such a pure soul and all."

"I know, right?" I say, sniffling and hugging the adorable tooty fruity. "I am crying."

The cutins flapped sexily in the provacative wind. Tooty ate Atrid's buddy copse adoably and bubbly. OH tutty fruity! eat that bitch! EAT HER EAT HER EAT HER! Several sexy cockroaches breeded in her brains doing dances of pure cutness. Thaen cute tooty had sex with the rotten corpse. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH! YOU DO IT ! cried the elated AYNDA! EDilio was kinda turndd on. He waned to goin in on the innocent scene but how? HE GOT A GREAT PUFFY IDEA!

he started singing gee by girls generation, dancing in one off those cute lil' uniforms, and all the boys and girls join him dancing in the background in the epitome of MASCLINTY! as all this is going on.

it's the CUTEST SCENE EVER! LIKE KAWAIII!

Then jake says "Amanda will you marry me?"

and I jump up and down, squealing with muscles like that of a PANDA! who could have forseen this beauty twist in such a beauty told story? it was like my life was being riden by the perfect, intelligent otter (not what im saying, its what amynda thinks lol)

so me and jake dance around the room as toto continues giggling and astrids cute little old self is on the floor by her entails in all a adorable pile like aw smile and then I say, smiling with the innocence and naivete that a girl of my caliber displays, "I have been waiting for this day."

He smiles, spining me in his masking arms of muscles as huge as eggs. "As have I my sweetest amynda."

"did it hurt" I say smiling coyly

"did what" he says brow burrowed in confusion. "hurt"

"when you fell from heaven." like an angle. get it.

Jake shrieks in gales of laughter that echo off the highest beams of the ceiling. "what a clever thing to say."

he continues laughing falling all over himself in an adorable pile shrieking in laughter, then screaming and tearing at his hair and screaming in delight "what a witty witty girl I be so lucky!"

I blush bashful. what an honest man.

edilio saws the f****ers head off.

I no! my SEXY GROTEZK LUVER!

Goticorn takes the saw out of the infested corpse and then proceeds to saw off edilios left hand.

WHY?

Stop this violence! im a pasificst im part of PETA im liberal! says the peaceful maiden of the gods. The gods bestowed me with the power to eat evil people like you you evil latin HATER!(IM SO CLEVER RIGHT? I SAD LATIN LOVER BUT THEN I SAD LATIN HATER!)

then jake and edilio put their arms around each other and say lol no jk not really dead only fooling you then have sex real quick then grin at me all playful.

"oh you two," I say, shaking my head like july cleaver. "you two kids just can't keep yourselfs out of troubles, now can you?"

jake's eyes go so wide and his grin stretches to both ears, showing every single one of his perfect white straight long pointy teeth and nashes those teeth together. "wow, Amanda. funny, and inside full too. I am so lucky to have you for a wives."

"oh I am not your wife yet" I say all coy and flirty.

"you will be," he said, grin stretching even farther and tipping his muscle square jaw cleft chin tan face back and rolling back his super long eyelashes. "oh you will be."

I squeal like a chair.

A chair after it had hanky panky with a sext mouse! or something like tht. anyways, we go to france to find my estranged uncle. Unfortunatly tooty kills him with his fierce horn like a fluffy bunny drenched in blood and gravy. Ay "Quiero cararme contigo mi AMOR! dijo el amable EDILIO el rey de todo. OK I learned some great French words for pierre. Pierre this is for you you sexy beast! I had a sxy hugging session with with his cute chisled beauftifiul great sexy goodly brother body. WHAT A NIGHT. We eat cookies by the fire.

Except no. THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. IT DIDN'T. It would have, if the earthity earth was a just place and not a PUFFY one, but no, Pierre says (LYIN duh) that he wants me to leave him alone and that I can't speak French, but I'm trying and that's all that COUNTS I say "hey pierre I speak french ill be your friend" and he says no leave me alone you scare me stop sneaking up behind me and trying to hug and kiss me because that scares me.

and I say that's love don't be scared of love you silly old goat and smack him and then he says ow that hurts and I say no it doesn't stop LYING to me but then he says leave me alone and I say stop trying to run away from love and hes all like I don't love you but it's a LIE I KNOW IT'S A LIE.

so then I tell teacher "teacher teacher pierres LYING" and the teacher won't hit him or ANYTHING! she says I just need to leave him alone and I say NO I cant leave him ALONE im in LOVE you sick sick person and yes he IS lying he says I can't speak French and I can!

Pierre is such a horrid sick perv! Your only in terested in my perfect sexy cretatious horribly sexy beautiful irrestible thing. So then I was like you get out you sick Frenchmen. "Vete ya! y se fue. No sabia que hacer pero sabia que tenia que hacer algo. Entonces mate a mi mejor amigo, jose. que trite, pero no me importa. So GREAT CHAPTER VERDAD?

ANyways. I will keep studyin my french until i am fluent enough to please Pierre that cute Little old guy and then he will want me and we will get marred like in fairytales. right?

REBOOS!


End file.
